Who has the job of coming up with random fake brand names for generic batteries and similar cheap miscellany? Who has this job? Because somebody has this job. I want to know who.

Powermax Superdeer. Really? Superdeer?

On a similar note, please enjoy Valium lightbulbs. The best part is how they’re marked 110v on one side of the box, and 130v on the top. But the valium lets us not worry about that sort of thing.

Now, even sedated, I have no idea how you even make lightbulbs out of diazepam, but clearly, Uncle Fester has been ahead of the rest of us.

Maybe it was his idea. Maybe he’s the one who…

…oh god. What I have I discovered?!

Forget the light bulbs. The light bulbs are unknowable. The light bulbs have never been known. You cannot have known about the light bulbs because no one has ever known about the light bulbs. We do not need them. We have the lights above above the Arby’s, the ones that rush by as we pretend to sleep, and that is all that we need to know, because…

Yes. Yes, we do.